In Memory...

My mom passed away Tuesday night (6/5/12).
She was 54 years old.

My mom & stepdad (Larry)
They loved each other so, so much.

It was unexpected, to say the least.
We haven't always had the best relationship.
It was hard for us to navigate our roles as I grew up.
She had me when she was 19.
In a lot of ways, for a lot of years, she was more of a friend than a mom.
But it worked for us.
Most of the time.
We had some difficulty figuring out how to change our relationship as our lives changed.
But we were getting there.
The emotions are coming fast and furious for me right now.
The hardest thing so far has been trying to explain it to Xandra.
Because we didn't talk regularly, Xandra hasn't had much opportunity to get to know my mom really well.
Which is so sad.
I hate for her to have missed out on that relationship.

Because my mom was awesome.

My mom & Xandra

I am the person I am because of her.

Only her.

She was all I had for 7 years...

Until she met & married my dad.

I have been going through waves of emotion. 

It comes & goes.

Almost like I have to remind myself each hour that she's not here.

We didn't talk everyday, but when we did, it would be for hours at a time.

I've done everything I can to stay busy the last few days.

I've helped my stepdad with all the details of the viewing.

Matt & I have opened our house to my family (we all thankfully live pretty close together so no over-nighters, but dinners & hanging out).

I even went  back to school Friday (took Wednesday off).

One thing I know about myself...

I need to stay busy.

I need to have a plan.

I need to keep moving.

It's the only way I will make it through this.

I love her & miss her so much.
Cliche?... Yes- but I know she is in a much better, happier place.
And I can't wait to see her again.
Someday.