True Love: The feeling when you first look in your child's eyes, the tiny little hand gripping your finger, and you can't imagine your life without him or her.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

A Little Worse for the Wear

I never intended to leave the blog for so long! School has taken over our lives. Milo is in daycare full-day, Xandra is in Kindergarten half-days (my rant about that will have to wait for another post), I'm in school Tuesdays & Thursdays, and Matt is in school Mondays & Wednesdays. Phew! It's mass chaos at our house. I figured my schedule would be easy: easy to manage, plenty of time for homework, time with the kiddos.

HA!! Oh how wrong I was!! It's hard getting into a new routine & keep some semblance of order.
I'm not proud of this... but it's real life in our home right now. Our dining table... Amazingly, we do still eat all our meals here (with the junk pushed as far to one side as possible) - so embarassing! But this is "Homework Central"

Add to all that chaos the fact that I got knocked on my butt last week with a nasty head cold and Xandra was diagnosed with Strep yesterday. Both the boys have a bit of sinus stuff & coughing, but seem to be ok for now. I know to expect a little cold or something at the beginning of each school year just from all the new kids & germs, but our lovely weather pattern did not help one bit. The Saturday before Labor Day, we had a heat advisory with temps well above 100. Two days later, Monday, we dropped down to the 60's. UGH!! Really??

My poor girl feels so crummy!!

Thankfully, no one took a picture of me when I was sick! That would have scared everyone away from the blog forever!

I've read a couple of posts on other blogs recently about what it's like "real life" with the kids. They are far more beautifully descriptive than anything I could hope to write out. This one in particular truly spoke to me. And, oh so true. Seriously, go read it. 

No, we don't have six kids (my mind hurts just thinking about that), and so far Milo has not exhibited the same fearful behaviors that many adopted kids have. He actually seems to be bonding, attaching, and loving us as much as we love him just fine. When someone asks me (which happens a LOT) about how things are going, I don't really have to grit me teeth, paste a smile on my face & verify things are oh so wonderful. Our reality is that things really are going smoothly... for Milo. For that, we are truly grateful & feel very blessed. It's really not always the case. 

Because he is having such an "easy" adjustment (I hesitate to say that out loud because we just never know if or when something will trigger a greiving spell), it's hard for me to complain about anything. But our daily lives have changed so drastically. When I wrote a few weeks ago about Xandra being way too easy to raise, I wasn't just saying that. I will, of course, deny this to her when she gets older (*note to self: remove way too sweet posts from blog as Xandra grows up- she might try to use them against me), but she rarely needs discipline. The kid was just born knowing right from wrong, and doesn't usually get in trouble. I think our biggest complaint currently is her attitude, but really, of all things to deal with? I'll take it. 

Milo... well, he's another story. Because he's adopted? Because he's a boy? Because he lived for so very long in an orphanage? Who knows. But this kid tests every boundary he can think of. He hits. He bites. He stands on furniture constantly. He screams. A lot. He cries at the drop of a hat. 

And then he smiles. Or he runs up to you while you're cooking dinner, and throws his arms around your legs (& butt, cause he's just that height), and gives you the biggest hug he can muster. Or he tries to clean up his messes by himself, holding (no lie) 5 action figures at a time: 2 under his short arm & 3 in his hand. Or he says "Mama" in his beautiful little voice. 

Our house has become filled with yelling, and I'm not proud of it. I'm even more ashamed to admit that a lot of yelling has been directed at my sweet Xandra. By me. She tries so hard to be a good big sister, but she often mistakes that for taking on a "mommy" role. She constantly repeats the warnings Matt & I give to Milo, so he hears not one or two warnings, but usually five or six (she repeats things a lot). She loves him so much, and hasn't figured out how to keep from smothering him with kisses, hugs, "baby talk" literally millimeters away from his face (I think this one gets on my nerves the most). We have added new rules and changed old rules so much, I'm sure Xandra has no idea if she's coming or going. The change from one child to two has taken our breath away. And we're still trying to figure out how to balance. 

It may not be New Year's, but I have a resolution: I want to stop yelling so much. at Matt. at Milo. and especially at Xandra. I want to sit back and just enjoy the moments.

Even the messes. Cause in the long run, will I really care about the screaming, the lack of clear footing in the family room, or the piles of crap on the dining table? Probably not. 

I need to stop dwelling on the daily messes stresses, and keep the bigger picture in mind. We have been blessed with two of the most beautiful children I've ever seen (yeah, I'm biased). And we get to hear the most wonderful giggles in the world (when they're not hitting each other). 

And when I get perspective like that... my mind starts wandering to someday adding another little girl to our family (yep, definitely a girl... I'm just sure this is all cause Milo's a boy... right?).

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